Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
