Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
