Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize