why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ttyl tear gas
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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