Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
