he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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