JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
