Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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