I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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