There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
