I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize