As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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