i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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