I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You made out with two different species that night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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