My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
