I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
