god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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