Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
