Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize