I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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