your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
