well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
