just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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