i may or may not be watching the land before time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
