why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
