I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
