I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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