if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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