Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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