ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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