oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
