We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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