i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
