im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My balls are so social today.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
