I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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