State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
