I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
