Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
