dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
