I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mom said you looked used
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
