We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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