My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
