I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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