"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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