My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
