Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
