How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
