At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
