terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I supernannyed him into submission
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
