I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
