Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
