Just mADE A PArabola og urine
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
