Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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