and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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