whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
