If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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