he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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