rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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