i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
