paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
