i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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