New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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