woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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